sumispace

Ja tyaag diya wo sab jo maine apna mana tha, ja tyaag diya apne naam ko, ja tyaag diya apne kaam ko, ja tyaag diya maine bhootkal ko, ja tyaag diye maine sukh saare, ja tyaag diye maine sapne mere. Ja mukt kiya maine tujhko bhi, ja mukt ho gayi  main khud bhi, ja tyaag diya 'mai' ko maine. Ab jo hun wo mai nahin, ab jo hai wo tu hai, jo mera tha sab tera hoga,  jo mai thi ab wo tu hai.  Tyaag kyunki kayar thi mai,  tyaag kyunki nidar hun mai,  tyaag kyunki tum ho mujh mein,  tyaag kyunki prem hai tujhse,  tyaag kyunki pana hai tujhe.  Laut aayi hun mai tere paas,  varan kiya ab tere naam, mera tujh ko shat shat pranaam. 

 Than gayi, maut se meri than gayi,  jeene ka mera koi irada na tha, rasta roke khadi ho gayi,  aisa laga zindagi se badi ho gayi, maut zindagi se badi kaise ho sakti hai.  maut ki umra hi kya hai? Do pal bhi nahin,  zindagi silsila aaj kal ki nahin, mai jee bhar jiya,  mai man se marun,  laut kar phir aaunga mai,  koonch se kyun darun? Atal ji ki ye kavita maine pehli baar tab suni thi jab mai mehez 10 saal ki thi. Maut ki umra ka andaza laga rahi thi, pehle is kavita se mai ittefaq rakhti thi par ab malum hota hai ki meri umra badhne ke sath sath mere khyalat bhi badal gaye hain. Ab mai sochti hun ki shayad maut ko mazil manna meri bhul thi, maut ke umra ka andaza lagana meri bhul thi, maut kisi manzil ka nahin  balki safar ka naam hai jo ki thik usi waqt shuru ho jata hai jis waqt zindagi ka safar. Jeena marna haath pakad kar chalte hain jab tak hamari saansein chalti hain, fir saansein tham jati hain, safar khatm ho jata hai, manzil aa ja...

I wonder if you have ever thought about the similarities between the two. Think for once. 

I googled the word 'whack' to know what does it mean. It says 'to hit somebody/something hard'. I really wonder if this is all wanted to do with the universe since the presence of mankind. Whatever success that this mankind has seen is just because of our inherent need to create something, create a dent in the universe or if I say it in a little slang I'd call it the 'want to whack the universe'.  People were happily hunting and eating, how did the need of growing our own foods come, how did the need of owning farmlands come, how did wheels got invented, how did the metal age come, how did the empires occur, how did modernization happen. All of this everything got created because some of us acutely dissatisfied with what we already had which frustrated them enough so that they could 'whack'. I wonder if happy people have ever created something, it takes a certain degree of grief, loneliness, melancholy to ignite that fire within you so that you could...

It's been months that I haven't posted anything here but all this time I was living life and experiencing it as it's supposed to be. I have changed a lot as I must accept that, I can't relate to that version of me anymore, it's so cool to keep looking at yourself from the 3rd view like a movie character and watch a movie in real time. I am writing it here because I want to remember it in the way I write and if this can help even a single person out there then what's better than that.  I have changed the way I look at life. I am constantly trying to become less self aware as it makes me numb, intellectualism of human emotions is a trap. Emotions are meant to be felt, not examined. I am more kind towards myself now, I took risks, I exposed myself to emotions like shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear, hatred, envy, love and loss and I absolutely have no regrets. In my upcoming posts I'll talk about all these emotions but let's start with the most beautiful and...